Shawntelle Minear was tired of being ghosted.
But not by men, by women her age.
Minear and her husband moved from California to Reidsville in 2021 while she was pregnant with her daughter. After a few years, they moved to Kernersville then High Point, where they live now. She was looking to make new friends.
“I started meeting people online, and then I would try to meet them in person,” she said. “But then I would get ghosted every single time.”
Her parents lived close by, but she was starting to get lonely, she said. That’s when she used her background in marketing to create a solution: a mom meetup.
Now, more than three years later, Minear’s group, Her Hive, has grown into a membership group with hundreds of women who meet each week at different locations around the Triad.
Sometimes it’s just for coffee. Other times, they might go on a nature walk or do a plant swap. As reports of a loneliness epidemic make headlines, Minear is part of a growing trend of women who are creating their own affinity groups to make it easier for strangers to become friends.
“Finding friends has been slower because we’re so connected to our phones all the time,” said Jordan Lacenski, founder of SheWolf, a separate women’s membership club in Greensboro. “But we’re still craving that in-person, real-life connection.”
In the Triad alone, several women-only groups meet regularly. For both Minear and Lacenski, the goal wasn’t to make money or a career. It was simply to make new connections.
“I think that while our society and general climate is quite divisive, I think women specifically are looking for that village,” Lacenski said.
‘Come As You Are’
Minear moved to the state after the cost of living got too expensive out west. She and her husband looked at a map of the United States and narrowed down where they wanted to move: somewhere close to an ocean, not too cold, and not too hot. They settled on North Carolina. But once Minear got here and had her daughter, she felt isolated.
“I didn’t know anyone out here,” she said. “I was starting to get really lonely.”
Minear isn’t the only one.
In 2023, then-U.S. Surgeon General Vivek Murthy declared loneliness an epidemic, noting that isolation poses a major public health risk. According to a 2024 Harvard University study, 21 percent of adults reported being lonely.
That can cause real health problems, according to the advisory published by Murthy.
A lack of social connection can increase the risk for premature death by more than 26 percent and increase the risk of heart disease and stroke.
That’s why some, like Minear, are seeking out connections for themselves.
After meeting people online didn’t work out, Minear posted in some mom Facebook groups that she was hosting a meetup at Kyle’s Coffee in Kernersville. Eight other women showed up. That was January of 2023. Now, more than two years later, Her Hive has grown to about 250 regular members.
Eventually, Minear incorporated Her Hive as a nonprofit so it could accept donations. There’s no membership fee to join, and all donations go back into the organization for the marketing, software, website, and hosting costs that keep the group active.
Members go to parks, coffee shops, and local libraries. They’ve held a crochet course, a fire department field trip, a food-pantry drive, and a Spanish-immersion class. They also regularly host kids swaps where members donate toys, maternity clothes, and kids’ clothes for people to take for free.
Most of the members are mothers.
“It was one of those things that I was realizing,” said Minear, 35. “I needed to connect with other people going through the same stage of life.”
Minear wanted someone to talk to about the late-night feedings, complications around breastfeeding, and feeling tired all the time. She needed camaraderie.
A few weeks after the initial meetup, Minear made another post to meet at a library. This time, 60 people showed up. One of the big things about Her Hive, Minear said, is the ease of access.
“It’s very casual,” she said. “You can come as you are. Wear your work clothes, roll out of bed. Our lives are not the same. We all understand.”
The group is not religiously or politically affiliated, she said. There are already lots of faith-based groups out there, but Minear sees Her Hive as different.
“We just don’t talk about politics or religion,” she said. “That’s a no-no. We want to bond on the things that we can and not fight about hot topic things.”
But hate is not allowed, she said.
“You can no longer come to our groups if you’re putting down the LGBTQ+ community or saying racist things,” Minear said.
As she kept posting on social media, more people found out about Her Hive. Soon, the meetups grew too big for spaces like Kyle’s Coffee. She also found there was interest beyond High Point. She made plans for events to expand in Greensboro and Winston-Salem. Now, other members host their own meetups.
The group has more than 3,000 followers on Facebook, and each meetup has anywhere from seven to 15 people, according to Minear. Most people bring their kids. Some have been part of the group for years, while others come and go. That’s perfectly fine, Minear said. It’s part of the experience.
“We cycle through people sometimes because not everyone wants to be part of a very large group,” she said. “They find their people, and that’s kind of what we want in a way. No matter how you get involved, the goal is to find your people.”
Many of the women Minear has met have become her closest friends. Some of them are godparents to her kids. While that’s been life-changing for her, seeing other women make connections has really kept her going, she said.
“My favorite part is seeing it click for moms,” she said. “When they first come, they might not open up about their journey…. But seeing them a month or two later, I’m hearing them say, ‘This has changed my life. This is the first time I’ve had this many friends.’ That’s something I love.”
In the future, Minear wants to start a course for women in leadership and host self-defense classes. She also wants to take Her Hive national.
“We’ve built everything with the idea to scale,” she said.
“All women across time, across the world, need a village,” she said. “We’re here to be that.”
‘Taking Care of Yourself’
For years, Jordan Lacenski was embedded in the “girl-boss” trend. She was the director of marketing for a wine company, started her own branding business, and worked with other women in the industry on big projects. But when she moved back to North Carolina in 2018 after leaving the state post-college, she refocused her priorities.
Instead, she used her experience running a business to connect with other women.
“Women specifically, we don’t give ourselves enough,” said the 39-year-old mom of two. “We say, ‘I can’t spend money on this, my kids need that.’ But you loving the world around you is taking care of yourself.”
Earlier this year, Lacenski revitalized SheWolf, which she started as a marketing company years ago, as a women’s membership club.
“I brought it back as a social club for anyone identifying as she/her,” she said. “To try something new, to move your body.”
Rather than use Facebook, the group uses an app. There, members can see monthly events like hiking, yoga, rock climbing, or roller skating sessions. A few months ago, they threw a cowboy event where attendees rode horses. They’ve recently expanded to hosting mountain getaways and backpacking trips, too.
In the future, she’d like to expand SheWolf to other parts of the state. She also wants to show that the southeastern part of the U.S. is a destination.
“A lot of what I miss from out west, I want to create it here,” she said.
There’s an annual $99 per year subscription or an $11.99 monthly option. For that, members get access to the app, members-only events, and first dibs on retreats. Educators receive free membership. The group’s happy hours are open to anyone.
Subscriptions mean members have “a little skin in the game,” Lacenski said. Eventually, she’d like to offer scholarship memberships. Fees also help cover the costs of running the group, she said. At the end of the day, it is a business, not a nonprofit. But if someone can’t afford to join, she will work to include them.
“If money’s an issue, tell me,” she said. “Accessibility is important.”
Currently, SheWolf has about 60 members and 900 people on an email list. The membership is “all over the place,” Lacenski said. She wants to diversify the group and include more queer, LGBTQ+, and people of color, too.
“I’m creating a community,” she said. “I want queer people to feel safe. I want Brown people to feel safe.”
Lacenski wrote an article for the app that outlines the group’s values. SheWolf supports women’s rights and reproductive rights. Lacenski doesn’t think that should be political. But if people perceive it that way, that’s fine with her.
“If any political side starts coming for women’s rights, we’re probably going to talk about it,” she said. “Safety and wellness is really important to the group.”
Lacenski doesn’t see SheWolf as a replacement for progressive groups like Indivisible. Instead, she views the group as a place where women can gather, have fun, and support each other along the way.
That’s part of the reason the group has been so successful, Lacenski said. In the last few generations, more people have moved into their individual homes and are doing things independently. But being isolated isn’t working, she said.
“A lot of women are saying they’re not getting everything they need,” she said. “I think we’re looking for a safe place. We’re looking for connection.”
‘Your People Are Out There’
Much of the national discussion around loneliness has been focused on men. But research shows connection is vitally important to women, too, said Dr. Jeannette Wade, the program director of Health and Human Sciences at the University of North Carolina at Greensboro.
“The literature says men have more of a quantity over quality approach to friendships while women have more of a quality approach,” Wade said. “We are socialized to value different things.”
Women crave deep and intimate relationships with friends, Wade said, much like they have with relatives. When they don’t have that, it can be “deeply lonely” and have a serious impact on mental health.
Lacenski has seen that intimacy play out within SheWolf. At the events, women get deep really quickly, she said.
“Small talk just isn’t what people are experiencing at our events,” she said. “There’s a lot of laughter, a lot of real talk.”
While the pandemic exacerbated loneliness and made people crave connection, Wade said, the idea of connecting with others with similar experiences has always existed. It just looks a little different now.
“This is more of an evolution of how we make friends,” she said. “You can now tailor your friend group. You can search and say, ‘This is my interest, my background, my culture,’ and find your people. Rather than fitting a square into a round hole, you can find your tribe.”
Wade herself experienced this when she moved to Greensboro in 2018. She searched for other Black academics in the city. Since then, she’s become close enough to go on vacations with some of the people she met.
“You’re not necessarily looking for someone to just go hiking with,” Wade said. “You’re looking for someone to love, share your family with, grieve with, and do all these other things with.”
The friendships she’s seen blossom from Her Hive fit this description, Minear said. In one instance, a member needed temporary help with childcare. Friends from the group filled the need, so she had a babysitter every day.
“It’s this feeling of no matter what, you’re going to have someone take care of you,” Minear said. “I know that if anything bad happens to me and my family, I’m going to be supported. Knowing that confidence of having that village is life changing, just knowing your people are out there.”
Beginning the search for that village can feel intimidating, Lacenski acknowledged. But once you make that first step, it can be rewarding.
“It might take a little push,” she said. “But I feel like there’s always an opportunity to be pleasantly surprised.”